Another Long Winded "pick-me-up" Rant

A lot of the time I feel my life is buzzing by me, opportunities zooming away. Sometimes I don't even realize that there was an opportunity until it has already passed. Example: I was in choir in middle school. The teacher absolutely loved me. When I sang for him he said I gave him goosebumps. I participated in an "American Idol" contest in that school (which was not a small school btw). I sang "Delta Dawn", by Tanya Tucker and a couple other country songs. I got 2nd place, beaten by an older girl. For a kid I could sing! I didn't take advantage of it. I dropped out of choir to be in agriculture class. When I told my choir teacher I quit... he threw a chair at the wall. Not an exaggeration. He was soooo mad. Why would I want to be a farmer over a singer? (Not that I wanted to be a farmer, but FFA does stand for Future Farmers of America). At that age I didn't think that being a singer was ever an option. What are the chances of that? I could easily land a job in the agricultural industry, plus my best friend was in that class. I should have stuck with choir and taken singing lessons. But I didn't and now that I am older I can see that FFA didn't benefit me at all, when choir could have. I would kill to be able to sing the way I know I could if I would have practiced and educated myself in it. There are so many opportunities out there for me that have either passed by or overlooked. I overlook them because I don't believe that I can do them. I have wanted to model for about the last 5 years. I have gone to a couple of open calls but never got called back. That is extremely discouraging. I know I'm not tall enough, but I just want to do it for me. I don't expect to be a supermodel. I got in contact with a photographer that is looking to build his portfolio. He was interested in me and I was really excited about it. But then my parents found out that I contacted him off of Craigslist, an add for wanted models, and they said ABSOLUTELY NOT! Of coarse he is a rapist/murderer if he was on Craigslist! So there's another opportunity passed.
Recently I have decided that I want to act. Not anything big, just student films...and maybe if I am good enough, a small roll in an Indie. I have never even been in a play, but I want to act. It's not that I wasn't interested, I just wasn't confident enough. I did try out for a Peter Pan play in 7th grade but they wanted me to be a "lost boy" and I wasn't havin' that. I am not going to lie, my sudden desire to act probably has something to do with my love for Kristen Stewart. I see me in her. Don't make fun, I really think that! Our personalities are kind of similar, from what I have seen. I just think, "Hey! If she can do that, so can I!" ( I think she is an amazing actress). I found a guy, yet again on Craigslist, that is filming a short student film this month. I think I am going to audition. I figured, why not? I am worried I am going to make a complete fool out of myself, but I keep reminding myself that in order to be good at acting, you can't worry about that kind of stuff.
What I am coming to realize is I feel like I can do anything and I want to do lots of things. I want to be an amazing hairstylist, I want to model, I want to act and I want to travel to Europe, frequently.
Here's one inspirational example: John Paul Dejoria started Paul Mitchell out of his car, and with only $700. He is now very very rich and the most famous man in the hair industry. Here is another example: I was reading an interview with Kristen Stewart. (She was discovered by an agent when she was acting in a Christmas play.) When she was like 10, she went to tons of auditions, i think maybe around 30. She never landed any of the roles. Eventually she got discouraged and sick of it. She had one last audition and didn't want to go, but her mom made her. Because she didn't give up, she is now the most famous teen in the US. It turns out she was cast from that last audition and it landed her her first role in a movie. This just proves if I want anything in life, all I have to do is take advantage of the opportunities, and recognize that they are not out of my reach.